Thursday, July 7, 2011
Dear Hollywood,
Now you know I don't like to get my feathers all ruffled over rumors, but I heard earlier this week that Spike Lee is in talks to direct a Hollywood remake of Park Chan-wook's legendary revenge drama Oldboy. Now as I'm sure you can imagine, Hollywood, this rumor is eliciting a wide range of responses on the Internet from "Sweet, finally a Hollywood foreign film remake that sounds awesome!" to, "Oh, shit, not again."
Place me firmly in the latter camp. I suffered through years of your remakes of J-horror films, from The Ring to Dark Water, before realizing there wasn't much point in ever watching one of your foreign film remakes again. I didn't bother with Let Me In. Though many of my friends told me I should give you a chance on that one, I just didn't feel any real need to see it. I had the Swedish original, and it was enough for me. I will admit that the trailer for David Fincher's remake of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo looks absolutely epic, but ironically it makes me want to see the original - which I haven't seen yet - not the remake. I am openminded enough to accept the fact that sometimes remakes can be good (especially when Tim Burton is not involved) but I'm sorry, Hollywood, the historical evidence is really stacked against you on this one.
It's not that Oldboy is perfect as it is, even though I believe it is pretty damned close. Park Chan-wook made a film as beautiful to look at as it is horrifying to watch, funny when it can be and brutal when it should be. Choi Min-sik delivers an incredible performance as Oh Dae-su, from his wild-eyed been-in-the-shit PTSD stare to his love for calling people "dickshits". And Yu Ji-tae is creepy and sympathetic at the same time as the film's antagonist. Aside from having figured out the "twist" early on, I really can think of nothing negative to say about the film. And it's arguable that Park's intention was to make the "twist" obvious from the beginning anyway: obvious, that is, to everyone except the main character.
The good news is, none of that stuff that made Park's Oldboy absolutely amazing will go away if you decide to remake it. I'll always have the original.
I'll admit that having Spike Lee on board for this would be a bit of a problem for me. It's not exactly profound to say that Spike Lee's work is divisive. You know, Hollywood, that I've always considered him to be incredibly overrated as a filmmaker. Yes, his films tackle sensitive issues - most commonly racial issues, but let's credit Spike with being attuned to other injustices as well - in a hard-hitting way. But that's the problem. Lee hits too hard. He hits us over the head. His films lack subtlety, and Oldboy demands subtlety. Not to mention that Spike Lee's directorial style (which seems to consist entirely of taking shots from exaggerated angles) is nothing to match against Park Chan-wook's. There's a scene in the original Oldboy that shows Dae-su taking down an entire hallway full of thugs armed with nothing but a hammer. I just don't see that working in a Spike Lee Joint. Let's hope that rumors of his involvement are, at this point, greatly exaggerated.
Even without Spike Lee, it's hard to see what good your American sensibilities could possibly bring to the story. No one does vengeance like South Korean filmmakers: they live it, breathe it. You must know that, or you wouldn't have your eyes on this movie, would you, Hollywood? Park Chan-wook loves revenge stories so much he made a thematic trilogy of them, of which Oldboy is the middle (and the only one that doesn't have the word vengeance in the English title). Trying to beat South Korea at revenge flicks sounds to me as about as intelligent as opening a Starbucks in Italy: you're just not gonna beat these guys at their own game.
So, what exactly is your take on Oldboy going to do that the original doesn't? There are plenty out there who say that when you remake foreign films, Hollywood, you're doing a good thing, by exposing American audiences to stories they wouldn't otherwise see because they "don't watch foreign films". Okay, that's partly bullshit, because anyone who can read a marquee should be able to read subtitles. But I realize that some moviegoers don't go to the theater to (*gasp*) read, and they love that you accept them for who they are. So I acknowledge the fact that remaking foreign films in English can expose a wider audience to the story, if the remake is good. But if the result is something as awful as your remakes of The Grudge and Pulse, aren't we working against this lofty goal by trying to win over American audiences with crap that's not worth their time?
And seriously, let's not kid ourselves about the real motivation here. You and I both know you're not remaking Oldboy because you want to expose American audiences to this story. You're not some cinematic apostle, seeking to educate and enlighten the American moviegoing public by translating this classic into the vernacular. Admit it, Hollywood: you're remaking Oldboy for the same reason you're rebooting every genre franchise and scraping the bottom of the Marvel/DC barrel; for the same reason TV execs are rolling out three new reality shows a week about cake and still more shows about ordinary folks singing and/or dancing: because that's easier than coming up with something new. And you should know how much that offends me, both as a film fan and as a writer.
But deep down, I still love you, Hollywood. We've had some great times together. And I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, I really do. I've just been burned so many times, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You've got a good heart, Hollywood, but sometimes you get lost. You get lazy. I know there are a lot of demands on you to be rich, powerful, famous, and I know sometimes the easy way out is to rehash something that's already been done; to copy and parrot and distort until all that's left is the shallow hull of an idea that offends as few people as possible and generates modest revenues for a minimal investment. I know you think nobody notices when you take the easy way out, but we do. We notice and we feel sorry for you, Hollywood, because we know you're capable of better. And the only reason you don't realize that yourself is because you haven't been paying attention to the world outside your own window. You haven't noticed that there are so many great original stories out there that haven't seen the light of day. That there are many well-meaning film lovers out there who have good ideas, have stories to tell, and some of which might even be in screenplay format already. If you saw some of these stories, you'd love them, Hollywood, and so would the rest of the world. You just need to look, and listen. You've been listening to the wrong people, Hollywood: people who don't care about you, who only care about your money. Listen to those of us who still love you, who want to make you great again. We still care about what's best for you, and if those other guys walk out on you, we'll still be there. We've got ideas, Hollywood. And many of us will let you have them for cheap.
Seriously. Don't be a dickshit.
Love, Shawn
